How often do you compare yourself to other people?
Many high achievers make themselves miserable by constantly measuring their self-worth through how they stack up with others.
In this edition of PEAK, we will discuss why you should not compare yourself to other people. We will also discuss how to avoid or break this common habit.
First, here are three reasons to avoid the comparison habit.
#1: Each person’s starting point and journey is unique.
Everyone’s life is shaped by a unique combination of genetics, experiences, resources, social networks, family situations, and so on.
No one else started at the same place as you, and no one else has followed the same path as you.
Comparing yourself to someone else is always like comparing apples and oranges.
#2: We are all “better” and “worse” in different ways.
No one is “better” or “worse” than you in every way.
You can always find ways that someone is “better” than you and ways that someone is “worse” than you.
For example, just because someone makes more money than you, that does not mean that person is “better” than you. The person simply makes more money.
You might be fitter, smarter, kinder, or happier.
In fact, that same person might envy you for being “better” in some way!
#3: You probably don’t know the full story about someone else anyway.
Even someone who seems to have the perfect life could be struggling with something that you know nothing about.
For example, many pro athletes have recently opened up about their struggles with depression and mental health.
Without hearing of their personal struggles, most people would assume every pro athlete has a perfect life free of any challenges.
Yet, someone who seems to have the perfect life could be going through something very difficult right now that you know nothing about.
Now that we have covered why you should not compare yourself to other people, here are three practical steps to avoid or break this habit.
Step 1: Get busy living your own life.
Frequently comparing yourself to others suggests you might not be clear on your goals or not doing as much as you could to achieve them.
Go all-in on whatever you want to achieve, and you will compare yourself to other people much less often. You will be too busy living your own life.
Step 2: Identify the factors that cause you to compare yourself to other people.
Comparing yourself to other people does not happen randomly. It usually happens at certain locations or times, during certain activities, or with certain people.
Here are some questions to help you identify your triggers for the comparison habit:
Where are you when you compare yourself to other people?
For example, maybe you compare yourself to others when you are at the gym.
Who are you with (if anyone) when you compare yourself to other people?
For example, maybe you fall into this habit when you are around certain people. Or, maybe it happens when you are alone.
How do you feel when you compare yourself to other people?
For example, maybe you compare yourself to others when you are bored, sad, or stressed out.
What typically happens right before you compare yourself to other people?
For example, maybe you compare yourself to others right after using social media.
Identify the cues that trigger your habit of comparing yourself to other people. Then, you can be strategic about how to break this bad habit. That brings us to step #3.
Step 3: Remove or reduce the cues for comparing yourself to other people.
If you want to stop comparing yourself to other people, don’t just try to have more willpower.
A stronger approach is to remove or reduce the cues that trigger the habit in the first place. Ask yourself how you can remove or reduce the cues that you identified in step 2.
For example, if you typically compare yourself to others while you use social media, cut back on your time on these platforms.
In summary, run your own race.
Don’t make yourself miserable by comparing yourself to other people. Focus on achieving your goals and becoming your best.
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About the Author
Pete Leibman is a speaker and author who helps consultants, lawyers, and advisors build the energy, focus, and resilience to sustain high performance. He delivers webinars, keynotes, workshops, and programs for leading consulting firms, law firms, and financial services firms. He also speaks at universities and at conferences. Pete is the author of three books and more than 300 articles on high performance. His latest book is Stronger Advisor: High-Performance Habits for Consultants, Lawyers, and Advisors.
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